A space where your identity is not the thing being examined. You will not have to explain terminology, justify who you are, or brace for a reaction before the actual work can start.
Errikos Kotzakioulafis is a BACP registered counsellor and psychotherapist with over 10 years of experience in Newcastle upon Tyne. In-person sessions at The Old Fire Station in Gosforth and online appointments available.
Sometimes identity is the whole reason. Often it is simply the context around everything else, and it helps that it does not need explaining.
Whether to, who to, when, and what it might cost. Rehearsing a conversation somewhere safe before having it for real, or making sense of one that went badly.
Parents who are struggling, relatives who have gone quiet, or the exhausting middle ground of being tolerated rather than accepted at family occasions.
The cumulative weight of scanning every room, editing how you speak, and reading the news about people like you. It is tiring in a way that is hard to name.
Messages absorbed early from school, family or church that stayed put long after you consciously rejected them, and still shape how you treat yourself.
Sometimes connected to identity, sometimes not at all. Either way you get anxiety or depression work without a running commentary on your personal life.
Not sure yet, and not ready to pick a word for it. There is no requirement to arrive at a conclusion, here or ever.
Affirmative therapy starts from the position that being lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer or questioning is a valid part of who you are rather than a problem to be corrected. That sounds obvious. In practice it changes a great deal about how sessions run.
It means your identity is not treated as the cause of every difficulty you bring. Plenty of LGBTQ+ people come to therapy about work stress, bereavement or a relationship ending, and would rather not have every thread traced back to being gay. It also means the opposite is available when you want it, because sometimes identity genuinely is the centre of the work.
It means you are not the educator in the room. You should not have to spend sessions you are paying for explaining vocabulary, or watching a therapist visibly recalibrate. A significant part of my practice is with LGBTQ+ clients, including people who have told nobody else.
And it means no attempt, at any point, to change or suppress your orientation or gender identity. Conversion practices are opposed by BACP and every other major UK professional body, and there is nothing therapeutic about them.
The work itself is integrative, drawing on person-centred, CBT and ACT approaches depending on what you bring. If your work centres on gender specifically, there is more on gender affirming therapy here.
Small practical things that make a difference to whether therapy is usable.
Your name, your pronouns and your own words for your relationships and your body, without needing to correct anyone twice.
Nothing you say here goes anywhere else. If you are not out, therapy does not change that, and it is not a step towards coming out unless you want it to be.
If privacy at home or at work is a concern, online sessions and quieter appointment times can usually be arranged.
It means your identity is treated as a valid part of who you are rather than as the problem to be solved. Sessions start from the position that being lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer or questioning is not a disorder, and the work focuses on whatever you actually want to bring.
No. Many people who come here have told very few people, or nobody at all. Sessions are confidential and there is no expectation that therapy leads to coming out. That is your decision, on your timing, and it is a perfectly valid outcome to decide against it.
No. A significant part of my practice is with LGBTQ+ clients. You should not have to spend sessions you are paying for teaching your therapist vocabulary before the actual work can start.
No. Attempting to change or suppress someone's sexual orientation or gender identity is unethical, is opposed by every major UK professional body including BACP, and has no place in counselling. This practice is affirmative.
Yes. You do not need a label or a settled answer to start therapy. Uncertainty is a perfectly good reason to come, and there is no pressure to arrive at a conclusion by any particular point.
Yes, from the age of 16. You can arrange counselling yourself at 16 and what you talk about stays confidential. There is more detail on how that works on the counselling for young adults page.
Yes. Online sessions are available alongside in-person appointments at The Old Fire Station, Gosforth, Newcastle upon Tyne. They can help if privacy at home or travelling across the city is a concern.
I offer a free initial conversation so you can get a sense of how I work before committing to sessions. There is no pressure and no obligation.
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